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Types of Verbal Abuse
1. Withholding--silent and aloof, cool indifference, refusing to listen or share one's emotional experience; not allowing an intimate sharing relationship. "There's nothing to talk about." or "What do you want me to say?" 2. Countering--denial of the partner's reality through arguing against any thought, perception or experience of the partner. "You're wrong!" or "How do you know?" 3. Discounting--treating the partner's experience and feelings as though they were of no worth. "You're too sensitive." or "Your imagination is working overtime." 4. Verbal abuse disguised as jokes--hostile disparaging comments delivered as if it were a joke. Often devaluing the partner's competence or attacking her femininity. "You need a keeper." or "What else can you expect from a Woman?" 5. Blocking and diverting--controlling the topics and direction of communication by refusing to communicate, withholding, etc. "Just drop it!" or "I'm not going to try to explain it to you..." 6. Accusing and blaming--the partner for one's anger, irritation or insecurity. "You're attacking me!" or "You're trying to piss me off." 7. Judging and criticizing--comments that negate the partner's feelings, competency or worth. "You're crazy!" "You can't take a joke." or "Look what you missed." 8. Trivializing--rendering the partner's accomplishments or feelings as insignificant, often done with subtle sarcasm. 9. Undermining--withholding of emotional support, eroding confidence and determination. "What's the point?" or "That won't get you anywhere." 10. Threatening--playing upon the partner's fears of loss and/or pain. "Do as I say or I'll be angry!" or "Maybe we should divorce." 11. Name calling--all name calling is verbal abuse. 12. Forgetting--acting like what occurred didn't occur. This both manipulates as well as denies the partner's experience. "I don't know what you are talking about." or "I never agreed to anything." 13. Ordering--denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. "You're not going out now!" or We won't discuss it." 14. Denia1--direct1y contradicts the partner's experience. "I am not abusive! I don't know where you get that." 15. Abusive anger--outbursts of anger that scapegoats the partner into believing that she caused the anger. from: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
Wilmes-Reitz Psychological 23945 Calabasas Rd., Suite 202 Calabasas, California 91302 (818) 591-8270
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